The last two days have been both encouraging and frightening at the same time. The last hardware, the two pacemaker wires they had implanted during the operation, departed this tired old body yesterday. The cardiologist who is handling my case followup pulled them out just after noontime. He said that they would feel funny coming out. The first one felt very funny and hurt a little. The second one hurt a lot an took three pulls to get it out.
After ward he told me to stay in bed for an hour. Since i was trembling so much from the extraction I had no desire to get up for several hours. Once I got up again I was actually feeling pretty good until I tried to go to sleep, then I felt like I couldn’t breathe when I lay prone. No explainaiton, but it went away with beta blockers and about two hours.
Today the cardiologist told me that I could go home today if I wanted to do that since all of my major milestones were cleared. I felt after the incident last night the my pain management was not under control well enough yet to go home. He agreed with me. I feel that this was the right decision.
This afternoon I had another incident. I was walking in the hallway with my wife when I suddenly got very weak and started having violent chills. The best explaination is that my body is so weak that it just shut down when more demands were made.
Now all of this finally got me thinking. I have always thought of myself as strong. My doctors have looked at me as young and strong compared to most of thier patients. But this really isn’t the case. In the last months time I have been:
1) hospitalized with Congestive Heart Failure in Mid April wih only 25% function (Apr 14)
2) I nearly died (the doctors words) twice from a previously unknown drug alergy and spent the night in ICU (Apr15)
3) hospitalized for fairly severe Angina attack (Jun 8th)
4) heart cahtererization on June 9th discovers that I have three blockages in my descending left side cardiac arteries, main descending artery is blocked twice, the worst blockage is 80%. As a result I have had continuous Angina until June 23rd.
5) June 23 I undergo a double bypass operation at Layhe clinic.
Summing this all up, I may be younger than most bypass patients but I have been physically battered by an awful lot of trauma in the last 40 days and I cannot expect my self to bounce back quickly.
Light finally dawns over marble head. I will not rise up in my strength. I have to go slow and let my body rebuild. Maybe in 6 months or a year I may once again regain my strength, but not this summer or even this fall. I have always tried to be strong to carry the load for others; but as of now I have no more strength. I need to learn how to be weakand let others carry my load.
According to Paul both are positions of Grace. Now i will get to find out how God’s grace is made perfect in my weakness.
Love to all my friends and enemies